Life is a Roller Coaster

6 months have passed since my last blog, don’t worry I’m still fighting the good fight, crazy to think it’s been 6 months since you’ve had the opportunity to read my literary genius, but as Craig David said let me “fill you in”.

The start of the year was tough going mentally, chemotherapy was exhausting and the chemo along with simultaneous seizures made it even harder.  The seizures were still the same as I have previously mentioned in the blog. They feel like a rush of fear and panic where I freeze and struggle to communicate and the feeling seems to slowly release from my body.  Doesn’t sound too bad, eh. However, these were getting to the point of having 8-12 per day, and it’s difficult to just get on with your life.  Mentally it was hard going, the best analogy I can use is like the matador versus the bull. The seizures and cancer are the bull constantly charging at me, the matador, dodging, subduing, or trying to immobilise the bulls attempts at destroying my mental health.

Going through lockdown during this was also tiring, even though I have felt healthy enough to get out walking, it’s a bit tiring not really being able to do much.  I started doing some work again, but have found motivation hard, especially with energy levels being so low.

On a work note and something I thought about a lot through lockdown.  I’ve heard a lot of people say “I can’t wait until we can go back to normal”, for me, I wanted to come out of lockdown changed for the better.  Early on in the year I decided to start looking for a career change and I delved into something I’ve wanted to do for a long time now and have taken the jump into teaching and will start this September.  At the start the only things I was anxious about were, what happens if I’m not one of the 11% who make it past the 5 year mark, however, having seen some people get to between 20-30 years of survival I thought, why not.  To be fair, the way I look at it now, anyone (yes you) could be hit by a bus tomorrow, at the moment that’s the same as me, just I spend a bit more time walking in bus lanes.

Through Chemo, I’ve experienced quite a few side effects. Tiredness and the general feeling of being sick, although other than the first cycle, I havn’t actually been sick. We bought a new sofa in March, a lovely, new ‘L shaped’ sofa with luscious soft cushions. We’d put it off a while as we’ve got a young family and didn’t want their general bodily fluids ruining it. Cards on the table…..I shit myself while perching on the L part.

Other side effects associated with Chemo like hair loss, I’ve managed to so far avoid.  Although, rather than looking like Lord Voldemort, my hair grew back in stages.

·         Stage 1 – Friar Tuck

·         Stage 2 – Margaret Thatcher

·         Stage 3 – Joe Exotic (Tiger King)

I’m not sure if this was linked to chemo, but another problem I’ve faced in the last 6 months have been pissing about 200 times a day, I’ve probably managed about 3 during writing this.

As mentioned before, my biggest problem over the last 6 months have been seizures. However, I’ve begun a new bunch of meds (Lamotrigine) which is helping to manage them and I’m hopeful of getting seizure free and being able to drive again. I mean, fuck me, if Tiger Woods is still allowed to drive, they’ve got to let me back on the road.

I always like to update you on my weight loss/gain. My diet hasn’t been great. I used to associate the term DOMs with Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness, now it’s just short for Domino’s, yes I’m a little chubby gremlin.

A quick update on fundraising too, after hitting £11,000 raised a lot earlier than expected (THANK YOU) we raised the bar to £22,000.  We are absolutely smashing it and have recently just tipped over the £20,000 mark.  If you have opportunity, which I’m sure you do as you’re reading this shit.  Get yourself on and donate.  We’ve had over 700 different supporters so far, which is incredibly generous.  But, if each one of those 705 supports donated just £2 more, we’d nearly be there…. imagine that! I’m also going to do another one of my quizzes on the 23rd of May, if you’re interested, get in touch through and I’ll send you the details.

As always, thank you for reading. Finally, if you see me after lockdown restrictions, If you tell me to be positive or advise me on my diet, be prepared to be told to FUCK OFF! 

Published by Alex Dawson

Who? I’m Alex, a 31 year old from Leeds, Yorkshire. I have a wife, Sarah. A daughter, Sophie, who's 2 and a baby boy on the way. I'd say I'm slightly above average across the board, emphasis on slightly, cue my friends making phallic based jokes. I own a recruitment business and I'm relatively fit and healthy. I’m from a privileged background and have been lucky enough to grow up in a nice house with excellent parents and had a good education. I’ve been given lots of handouts throughout my life but wouldn’t class myself as entitled as I’ve worked hard in my career and pushed myself. Why? The reason I'm writing this blog, and sorry if you're learning this for the first time via a blog (but you should have kept in touch more to be honest) I have a big filthy, dirty brain tumour who I have nicknamed, Timmy.  I was given a book, Pear Shaped by my best friend and recent best man, Sav, that gave me the idea of jotting down my thoughts and giving people a better insight to my state of mind and also giving me an outlet while not working rather than just galloping around on a virtual horse on a PS4 game. What? I’m going to be writing about all aspects of my own experiences of having a tumour from diagnosis to what I hope is full recovery, warts and all.  Now, think of this like a disclaimer. I'm from Yorkshire so it'll be to the point, I'll be honest about my feelings about what happens and finally I'll probably throw a few dark jokes about pretty serious shit, so if you're easily offended I'd look elsewhere for your morning read on your commute to work. When? I was diagnosed with a brain tumour on the 29th January 2020 but if you haven't been bored senseless and want to read on I'm going to get more into Timmy in future posts. However, to reiterate it will not be all cutesy and they're will be fucks, shits, and wanks (verbal, not graphic details on my sex life and bowel movements).

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